Let me gather my thoughts for a second. Just kidding impossible.
There are so many things I want to say and so many things I don't know if I should, but for the sake of the fact that this is an honest place and I aim to keep it that way--I'll try my best not to filter. Thank you thank you thank you for all of your excitement--it is absolutely amazing and encouraging!
The journey to getting pregnant again has been a crazy one. It is a story full of dreams and visions and prompting from the Lord--not just through Chris and I but through many many others who may not even know that they were being used. Random emails, messages, phone calls..all of this has been building since we moved to Charleston in December.
I won't share all of the details, because it would take days. But I can tell you that everything began after I had a crazy dream in December where an angel stood by my bed in our room and handed a baby in a basket over my shoulders and straight to Chris.
This is significant in a lot of ways. I hesitate to even say more about this dream because I know there are people out there who don't believe in this stuff. But we know God's voice better than we know most things in life because we're His sheep--and He is constant and He is good. The rest snowballed from there, and we were finally given the green light in March and got pregnant right away.
That last statement in itself is tough to write, as my heart and prayers continually go out to the people in our lives who are still waiting for their miracle--I would never take it for granted and I don't know why God blessed us so quickly. But we are grateful and our hearts are full. And we continue to lift you up!
It's hard to write this right now because I am reminded of the countless times I opened this page to update the world about our appointments with Ellie. I don't know how much I'll be able to update people via blog because of that, but I at least wanted to share our thoughts and feelings with you about this baby we are now carrying.
I found out in the morning when I was only 3 weeks along, and I sobbed for a very long time. I sobbed and prayed and rambled on about gratefulness, but more about fear and confusion and the very familiar pregnant feelings that are largely still attached to my one very devastating experience. I cried for Ellie who won't get to hold her sibling on this side of the world, but laughed that she probably knew before I did. And then I began talking to the life that was already forming inside of me and told this baby how deeply they are already loved.
I wish I could say that it has been a surreal dream so far--but if I'm being honest, I'm learning more about surrender than ever before. Doctors appointments are terrifying until we are reassured that everything looks good so far (everything does, by the way), and God DID bless us with some of the most compassionate female doctors I have ever met. Ones who wanted to know all about little Ellie and who extend so much grace to us as we begin each ultrasound (we've had 3 so far)--knowing the pain we have walked through. I have already cried multiple times in their presence and they are just so gentle and patient. To say we are blessed by them is such a huge understatement.
My little belly popped out at just 7 weeks, which I hear is a phenomenon called "NOT your first pregnancy," and I love it. (I'm currently 9!)
What else what else what else?! Hang on while I hyperventilate into a paperbag and attempt to think.
I've got nothing else.
There are too many words and not enough words and this is just going to be one crazy journey until Christmas.
Of course, if you would like to pray for us, we are asking for tons of peace and strength to battle fear as it comes..or you can just pray against fear and anxiety in general, especially surrounding our doctors visits.
We love all of you a whole lot. We are thankful for your never ending support.