My body and stuff.

Just so you know, I'm currently sitting in the most trendy coffee shop in existence (exaggeration, but close maybe) where everything looks like pinterest and all servers are wearing flannel and black rimmed, circular glasses. Don't mind that it's July in Charleston, flannel is perfectly acceptable, if not preferred, at this particular location. I'm absolutely not a flannel hater, I own a ton of it.....but I'm currently growing a human and that equals personal heater and giving no cares at all about adding unnecessary material to my person.
Me? I'm wearing a t-shirt, shorts, no makeup, a messy bun, and chacos. My chacos DO match my shirt, for once, but that was mostly on accident. Needless to say, they still agreed to serve me in exchange for too much money and now I'm determined to steal as much internet as possible while I write this blog.
To their credit, this coffee shop is a WAY better place to write and edit photos than Starbucks...mainly because Starbucks around here is SUPER loud and crammed with people and lately Chris and I have noticed that business people are frequently using Starbucks as a place to interview potential employees? So if you try and go there to think you either have to wear headphones or listen to loud, over-confident, prospective employees sell themselves to mostly uninterested business people. after another. Stress.
So thank-you, trendy coffee shop, for your chill, low-key music that I've never heard of before and for your stained concrete floors and your pinteresty rustic walls built with reclaimed wood from old anthropology stores or something.

Speaking of not fitting in, my life lately has been a lot of running errands, grocery shopping, and working out so I don't turn into a pregnant whale. AND...I've been grocery shopping at whole foods (time-out, we are NOT loaded. Chris has gotten sick and they have the best homemade soup. I would make my own except I don't want him to get tired of eating the same soup over and over again because that's the worst when you're sick) and basically I've noticed that if you want to do whole foods the right way, you either have to wear luxurious and strappy yoga attire with full makeup and hair all did up, OR your Sunday best. Those that know me know that I am not a huge fan of dressing up unless I'm going on a hot date with my man OR to church OR to some event where I must (blame my three brothers) but I ESPECIALLY do not want to dress up or wear skin-tight yoga clothes to buy some soup. I'm really not exaggerating on this one, I promise.

Same thing goes for the gym. It's like an exercise themed beauty pageant in there, people. And I have no interest in flaunting my ever-growing belly and ever-painfully-growing chesticles in skin-tight clothing for the world to see. And I most certainly don't want to put on makeup and then go work out so that my pores will clog and I'll break out more than this baby is already causing me to. Working out is largely NOT an attractive sort of activity to do in skin tight clothing. Leg lifts and squats and pelvic thrusting and awkward yoga poses--people. So I represent the population of 1% who typically wear t-shirts and gym shorts that are a normal level of baggy. In a class of 30 or so people, I am usually THE only one wearing a t-shirt. Fact.

What I am getting at is that I used to care a lot more and now I do not. This change is partially related to Ellie.....(duh...most things these days are) and partially related to the fact that I have (Jesus has) conquered the battle of external/attraction based self-worth. That junk is a lie. That's not to say that all women who dress up to go to the grocery store or wear tight workout gear to the gym do it because they struggle with self-worth. Absolutely not. But there was a time when I would have been tempted to change my wardrobe to fit the status quo and those days are no more. It's why I didn't crash diet for my wedding. It's why I didn't cry when Ellie gave me stretch marks on my belly. It's why I am okay with the fact that in a few months I'm going to waddle rather than walk. (That is not to say that there weren't challenges on the way.) It's why I don't have a magic number of weight in my head in which I think that if I attain it I will be happy. Because if I relied on a magic weight for satisfaction I am positive that I wouldn't be satisfied once I attained it.

All I want to do is take care of myself and this baby, whatever that may look like.
All I want to do is by my sick husband some soup without feeling sanctioned by society.
All I want to do is tell everyone I know that the only thing that will satisfy them in this life is Jesus.

And with all that being said, here's a pregnancy update...I mean I know you're curious.
-I finally feel GREAT (in comparison to the last few months.)
-I forgot I was pregnant for a second...maybe a fraction of a second until I remembered because it's all I think about. But PHYSICALLY--yes. Things are going much better.
-If the baby cooperates on Monday, we may be able to find out the gender. If not..I have to wait impatiently for another four weeks.
-Fear? It's there. But it's less. And it's decreasing.
-I've been feeling the baby move a LOT. Especially at night. It makes me smile every time.
-Burgers have been added to the no-go list for food. What is it with these Tate babies and food aversions? I thought I was supposed to have awesome cravings!
-Round ligament pain--it's happening. (Not painful though.) And the stretching is quite interesting with this c-section scar of mine. It feels super weird and itchy? I try not to envision the scar ripping apart but it happens sometimes before I tell myself to pull it's not even a legitimate fear, Jordan.
-My favorite activity to due these days is FLOATING. I'm not even that big yet, no, but the ocean is literally the best until I get out and my torso feels extra heavy again. I'm bummed that when I'm huge it's going to be winter and too cold to swim but bonus--it won't be hot you win some you lose some. (Plus I'll have time between winter and summer to recover physically for water funtivities.)
-Next appointment: July 8th (16 week)

Thanks a million for praying for us. You guys rock so hard.

P.S. One way that prayers have been answered is that I've been realizing through writing and praying how FAR I have come (seriously, I can't stress enough..not because of my own effort at all) and it's brought about some really good feelings of strength. I felt too weak before to see this journey as anything but painful..but I've noticed lately that especially when I talk to people about Ellie I almost can't believe that what comes out of my mouth is actually what happened to me. There are still really weak moments, but as a whole--I am just so grateful for Ellie and that she is mine and I wouldn't trade her for the world. So, really, thank you so much for praying so consistently for us.

P.P.S. Check the right column to participate in the gender poll! What gender do you think this baby is?