Where we stand.

I have felt compelled to write about this but simply did not know how to begin, until this moment when I decided to sit and let my fingers type away and my heart spill out what I hope will be a clear message about where we stand as a family and as parents of two girls who have faces trials bigger than some people face in the entirety of their lives.

These thoughts started a couple weeks ago and culminated to the point that where I got a text message from a friend who knows me well.

Her text said this (amongst other things):
       This is a different pregnancy. This is a different baby.

I read it and thought. Yes. That. THAT is why I am struggling so much with how to ask for prayer. Because I have falsely believed that because it looks the same, it is the same. That I am reliving rather than walking through a new, albeit familiar, experience.

THAT is why I am struggling so much to ask the masses to pray for healing.

But it's what we want.

I'm going to tell you where we are coming from, but first let me put you at ease:
We do need protection from spiritual attack and for our marriage and our family, but we don't need protection in the form of "safe" prayers. Maybe a better way to say that is this: it will not hurt us to receive bold prayers for healing, as long as they are in line with scripture. For much of this pregnancy (post bad news,) I have prayed safe prayers. Prayers that will protect my heart from the what-ifs and the memories that I was already preparing to experience again. There is nothing inherently "wrong" with these prayers. Any prayers are good prayers if they align with scripture. But sometimes we are called beyond that.

When I first heard about Elsie's sickness, I sat frozen in my chair, unable to speak or move. The tears didn't come until moments later..and eventually the tears and shortness of breath were an exact reminder of the very moment we got the horrible phone call about Ellie. That moment with Elsie was the exact moment that I gave in to defeat, and began praying prayers of strength and mercy for myself and for my husband rather than for her life.

To walk through the same traumatic experience twice within a relatively small time frame means fighting old thought patterns, and most intense of all, fighting the memories and thoughts of an already experienced outcome. And I know that many of you are experiencing the very same thing. I've heard it, I've sensed it, and I'm telling you that it is okay and it is normal.

The bottom line is that it's easier to accept Elsie's projected fate and to begin the process of mourning than to press in and ask for healing, all the while knowing that it is a possibility that it will not happen..as it did not happen for Ellie. It's not easy. It is not easy.

But I know that as her parents, we have to ask daily for a full life with us here on this earth. Not just for her sake, but for ours too. I want to honor her while she's with us, and honoring your children means praying for all of the good things. It means praying over their life and for their health and for their well-being. It means being persistent and asking God to change these circumstances until we are told to do otherwise...by God. Not by the doctors.

As I held and said goodbye to Ellie, I did not regret one single second that I asked for her healing. I did not wish I had begun to prepare sooner for her possible death. Our hospital room wasn't a place of disbelief and shock because of it--it was literally one of the most peaceful and surreal life experiences I've had in the midst of such pain.

So this is where we stand. If you do not feel you have the strength to pray this way--our feelings are NOT hurt. It's not easy and we need prayers for other things JUST as much as we need prayers for Elsie. So, we ask that if you cannot pray for her healing, you pray for the following:
-Peace in our household and marriage
-JOY in our household and marriage
-Increased discernment and wisdom regarding the plans and future of our family
-Emotional strength
-Sleep/no nightmares

If you want to join us in praying for Elsie's healing, you can remember/write down/pray these scriptures..or look up your own...which I recommend..because there are just too many to type out here. :)
Psalm 103:3  He forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases.
Luke 17:6 The Lord replied, if you had faith like the grain of a mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, "Be uprooted and planted in the sea," and it would obey you.
James 5:16 Confess your faults to one another and pray for one another, that you might be healed. The fervent prayer of a righteous man is effective and powerful.
Isaiah 58:8  Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear. 
Jeremiah 33:6  Behold, I will bring health and healing; I will heal them and reveal to them the abundance of peace and truth.
Malachi 4:2  But to you who fear my name, the Son of Righteousness will arise with healing in His wings.
Matthew 9:35 Then Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every sickness and every disease among the people.
Matthew 10:8 Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out demons. Freely you have received, freely give.